This summer a lot of people, myself included, are going across the country or across the world.  Some are temporary, some are permanent.  To those leaving home—or starting a new one—happy travels.  Summer Mix: Away From Home

With the weather getting warmer, it’s time to start working out and jogging.  Why?  Because eventually we can’t hide in our coats and we have to wear those skinny, skinny jeans.   I thought I’d share a little motivation mix and impart my old workout mantra (before I had a boyfriend):

You Are Fat and No One Loves You (124.2mb)

I just put together my summer mix for 2009, a sampling of what I’ll be listening to all summer.  I tested this out on Ft. Tilden beach this weekend and it went over pretty well.  Though sunstroke and vodka tends to smooth over people’s opinions.

DOWNLOAD MIX (116.3MB)

Moving all my junk in yesterday, one of the movers carried in a box that said “Playstation 3″ on it.  I got this from my old roommate who gave me boxes to pack with.  There were a bunch of kids hanging out front of the building I’m moving into and one started going “Oh man!!  Playstation 3!!  Awesome!!”

The older kid looking over at the box said, “Wow, you are going to get robbed.”

If there is one thing that Obama could do that would actually make me a little less angry… it’s merge my love of statistics and gay rights!  The White House is “seeking ways” to include same sex couples in the census.  It might not seem like a lot but the census could be the first time that our families and relationships count (zing!).  Also, the census is a wonderful way to capture demographic information to study society and develop policy, so anything that makes LGBT people more visible is great.  Now if only we could get a tally on trans folk…

Of course, I don’t particularly envy the administration official tasked with figuring out how to count us.  Because of the cluster-fuck that is gay rights across this country, the are almost as many different types of same-sex relationships as there are states.  For instance, in Massachusetts it’s easy to define a same-sex couple if they have been married.  But in Oklahoma there are 0 rights for same-sex couples.  Or in New York City you have domestic partnership benefits where you get a smattering of rights.  So which level do you accept as a relationship?  Do they say “You must have a full marriage” which you can only do in four states (I guess technically you also have the left over California marriages and then the two states that recognize out of state same-sex marriages)?  Do they say marriage and civil unions which you can only do in 7 states (well, technically a few more again)? Or do you include people in domestic partnerships (which is in many states, including some with gay marriage, plus a smattering of cities, counties and municipalities across the country)?

It might seem to make sense to include anyone who categorizes themselves as in a “long term same-sex partnership.”  I used that qualification in my senior thesis when I interviewed gay couples.  But this is not a very scientific qualification.  Some people together for 1 year may think of themselves as long term while a couple together for 4 years may not.  As Census workers fan out across the country, they have to be extremely standardized.  This will inevitably lead to questions of what qualifies as “long term.”   I quantified long term as seven years.  Why?  I’m not really sure.  It was arbitrary and whatever the Census picks will be just as arbitrary. (In case you were wondering, this is why ‘leaving it up to the states’ doesn’t work and this is why the framers gave us a Full Faith and Credit Clause.)

I don’t know if there is a pretty answer to this.  I don’t think the Census can count just legally recognized marriages and civil unions because it will give you only a tiny proportion of couples.  This would leave my poor brothers and sisters in places like Oklahoma and Tennessee without any representation.  It’s hard enough to be sexual minority in those places without adding more indignity by having their relationships not count.  I would find it a bit unsettling if maps come out of how many same-sex couples there are in the US and there are huge zeros over 43 states.  It’s like when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was asked at Columbia U about gays and he said “In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals, like in your country. We don’t have that in our country.” Because trust me, after the Census if gay couples in these states are ignored, some backward, knuckle-dragging Senator from Oklahoma will say this: “In Oklahoma, we don’t have homosexuals, like in your state. We don’t have that in our state. In Oklahoma, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you that we have it.”

Anyway, I know some people are new to this blog since I decided for the first time ever to tweet it and post it on facebook.  I don’t usually talk about military frotting except that for some unknown reason it was the #1 referral from google for a few months… Now I’m just looking to attract more of the same.  I don’t usually write about sex.  Anyone who knows me knows I’m not that crass or immature.

And how do I know that more people are reading this?  My hits sextupled yesterday.  That’s right, sex-tupled.

Obama signed a memorandum yesterday granting limited benefits to federal employees in same-sex partnerships.  This is great for federal employees as well as the simple fact that any small step towards equality is good thing.  But I think this memorandum shows a little bit of a darker truth.

First, this is a memorandum and not a executive order which only makes this temporary.  As soon as Obama exits office, this could no longer apply.  It also doesn’t grant same-sex partners health benefits.  His administration claims that because of DOMA, they can’t give out the really good benefits.  I’m not a lawyer, so I’m a little confused why sick days aren’t covered by DOMA but health insurance is covered.

The memo also serves to remind us that DOMA is still the law of the land and that it discriminates.  Of course, the DOJ claims it does not.  Obama doesn’t say anything concrete about action that would actually change the laws that prevent granting full equality.  He alludes to it taking “years.”

All of these things add up to this being the smallest action he could have possibly taken. Obviously, he just wanted to try and make up for the horrible brief his DOJ filed last week.  But this simply doesn’t accomplish that.

But that’s not really the thing that bothers me about this action.  As the least possible thing he could have taken to grant even a tiny sliver of equality to LGBT people, he waited nearly five months to do so.  In the first line of his remarks he says:

Today I’m proud to issue a presidential memorandum that paves the way for long-overdue progress in our nation’s pursuit of equality.

How long-overdue was it?  If it was years overdue, maybe you should have tackled this in February.  Or was it only long-overdue last week, right around the time LGBT people started pulling out of your fundraiser?  Is that when it was long-overdue?

I don’t like that Obama wants to have this both ways (like the B’s in the LGBT).  You can’t claim that gay equality is important if you aren’t actually going to make substantial moves for our equality.  I know some people aren’t comfortable comparing miscegenation and same-sex marriage… but does Obama think if Loving v. Virginia had not happened, his parents would be thrilled to know that—even though they could not get married—if one of them happened to be hired by the federal government, they would be able to take time off to care for their loved one who does not have health insurance?

Probably not.

But I have suggestion for an ongoing, smaller-scale action that would have a larger impact than a one-off “march” through an empty city. My idea would need fewer than a 1000 people to succeed—730 to be exact—and it wouldn’t be over in a day. It would go on, day-in, day-out, every day, for a year. Hell, it could go on indefinitely. It involves civil disobedience and the 730 volunteers would have to be willing to get arrested. People who are unable to participate could make donations to help cover the expenses—legal expenses and travel expenses—of those who can.

Here’s the idea: one gay or lesbian couple—a couple currently denied their rights under DOMA—shows up at the entrance to the White House grounds. A different couple every day. They ask to speak to the president about DOMA. They’re refused. They sit down. They refuse to leave. They’re arrested, carried away by the police. Couples would be recruited from all over the country, demonstrating that gay marriage isn’t just an issue in liberal California or godless New England, and the media in each couple’s home city and state would be notified in advance of their arrest. The occasional famous couple—Rosie and Kelli? Ellen and Portia?—would participate to pull in celeb media. But most of the couples who come to D.C. to get arrested would be average folks. The couples would need support, legal and logistical, and we would need someone to organize media outreach and maintain a website. The website would include a photo and profile of each couple that comes to D.C. to get arrested, collect all the press, and be used to recruit couples willing to travel to D.C. and get arrested.

The action would be small scale—it would be human scale—and it would go on and on and on. It would demonstrate better than another gay march just how seriously we take this issue: we take it seriously that we’re willing to travel to D.C. and get arrested. It wouldn’t be a one-day event that the White House could ignore or bluff its way through with some lame statement about its “commitment” to ending DOMA. The couples would keep coming. Every day an arrest. Drip, drip, drip. Members of the White House press corps would see couples getting arrested every day on their way to work. Gibbs would be forced to address DOMA on a near-daily basis. The president would be asked about the issue again and again.

I think this is a great idea.  I’m actually all on board for this.  SIGN ME UP.

One caveat: My boyfriend can’t do this, but I’m happy to go with someone else.  But really I need to go with someone who is hygienic because I don’t want to deal with smelly people in my cell.

And Amy, I damn well expect you to do this when Jenn is on summer break!

I just got around to reading all the backlog of music-related entries in my Google Reader and someone posted this amazing song from the Chicago band Smith Westerns called “Be My Girl.”  It’s been on repeat all day today, listen to it here. (Someday I will get embedding MP3s to work on my blog…)

Their new album, Smith Western, sounds like a T. Rex born in the 00s (aughts? zeros?).  Nothing is jumping out at me other than the aforementioned track but we’ll see…